Friday, August 19, 2016

Kaca.

Ini cerita tentang kaca.
Dia yang selalu dipandang, tak jarang sangat menarik hati.
Dia yang memberikan rasa percaya diri, tak jarang pun membuat rasa takut untuk pergi.
Dia yang terlihat kokoh dan ternyata paling mudah retak dibuatnya.

Tahukah kamu siapa yang terlihat seperti kaca?
Mungkin ada di antara kamu atau diantara kalian!
Siapa pun kaca, dia ada, di sana, menatap mu, berharap selalu dianggap, merindu untuk selalu melihat senyum bahagia mu, menunggu sampai batas saatnya dia harus retak.

Tapi walau bagaimana pun, itu tetap kaca.
Ada karena dibuat dan ada karena dibutuhkan.
Jadi apa yang harus dikhawatirkan?

Kamu ada kokoh karena harapan dan keinginan.

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Mari mencari alasan.

Rasanya berbeda.
Kemarin, hari ini, dan mungkin esok.
Rasanya masih saling terus rindu.
Entah rindu pada apa.

Hidup seharusnya semudah itu.
Kamu rindu katakan.
Kamu bosan ungkapkan.
Kamu lelah hentikan.
Kamu senang teruskan.

Hanya saja, hidup memang tidak pernah semudah itu.
Kamu rindu, kamu berpikir pada apa, tepatkah, wajarkah, bisakah.
Kamu bosan, kamu diam, berkaca pada diri sendiri, mungkin ada yang salah dengan isi kepala.
Kamu lelah, kamu masih saja teruskan, dan berpikir apakah benar atau tidak, kemudian melupakan, yasudahlah.
Kamu senang, kamu pun juga bertanya, tepatkah, benarkah, bisakah.

Serba salah.
Bahkan untuk orang yang kamu anggap sudah cukup kamu kenali pun, kamu bisa salah sangka.
Kemudian, kecewa.
Bahkan untuk mereka yang memberikan sokongan penuh dalam segala bentuk doa dan semangat, ada rasa benci tak ingin benar benar yang terbaik.
Bahkan untuk menemukan siapa yang salah dan benar pun kamu tidak bisa semudah itu.

Hanya saja hidup tidak semudah itu.
Memang tidak akan pernah.
Kalau tidak ingin benar-benar jalani.
Setidaknya mari temukan sebuah alasan mengapa harus tetap diteruskan dan dijalani.

Monday, July 25, 2016

Bulan Juli

Sudah mendekati akhir bulan Juli.
Satu tahun lalu di bulan ini aku sedang merasa rindu-rindunya karena harus menjalani sebuah hubungan jarak jauh.
Dua tahun lalu di bulan ini aku sedang merasa senang-senang jatuh cinta sekaligus patah hati.
Tiga tahun lalu di bulan ini aku sedang berada di suatu desa bersama dengan keluarga baru.
Empat tahun lalu di bulan ini aku sedang tersesat di daerah entah berantah di Eropa.
Lima tahun lalu di bulan ini.......entah aku tidak terlalu bisa mengingatnya.
Mungkin sedang berada di suatu tempat, entah bahagia atau tidak, tak bisa ku ingat dengan jelas rinciannya.

Di bulan ini yang aku tau aku sedang menjalani kehidupan ku sebagai seorang pekerja pulang larut malam datang datang menyambut di sebuah rapat.
Di hari ini yang aku tau aku sedang berada di meja kerja duduk manis berhadapan dengan layar yang terkadang membuyarkan pandangan akibat terlalu lama bertatap.
Di hari ini aku merasa lebih baik dari sebelumnya.
Di hari ini pun aku berani menggerakkan jari jemari ku mengetik sebuah cerita tentang bulan Juli.

Bisa jadi tak ada yang semenarik itu di bulan Juli.
Bisa jadi hanya kebetulan saja ingin menulis berkeluh kesah.

Banyak cerita yang dilewati maupun terlewati.
Kadang khilaf kadang memang sengaja.

Kita selalu diberikan sebuah pilihan diantara sebuah pilihan.
Jangan tanya sebenarnya aku ingin bercerita tentang apa.
Aku hanya ingin menyapa dan berkata aku baik-baik saja dan cukup bahagia.
Semoga kamu pun begitu.

Karena dalam setiap doa yang pernah kita saling lontarkan.
Ada kebahagiaan yang mungkin belum bisa ditakdirkan.
Jadi, mari lihat dan saksikan.
Sabar sebentar.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Sore itu setelah 5 purnama.

Mungkin ini bukan cerita Cinta dan Rangga yang bertemu kembali setelah ratusan purnama.
Mungkin ini bukan juga cerita Radit dan Jani yang menentang banyak pihak tapi ujungnya pisah juga.
Mungkin juga ini tidak seperti cerita yang dibayangkan kebanyakan orang akan kebahagiaan.
Bukan, jelas bukan.

Bertemu lagi setelah 5 purnama rasanya luar biasa. Sore itu kita duduk berhadapan saling tatap, mungkin sedikit saling mengintimidasi, saling mencoba mendapatkan jawaban di balik setiap tatapan. Ini café favoritku, lanjutmu. Aku tersenyum. Ada tatapan hampa dibalik senyum mu yang sedang seolah bahagia di depan ku. Masih jelas teringat bagaimana tatapan itu sampai detik ini.

Aku menghela napas panjang. Memilih banyak diam. Karena aku tahu, tangis ku akan tumpah ruah. Entah bagaimana caranya, kamu membuka pembicaraan tentang bagaimana dirimu menjalankan 5 purnama ini tanpa saling bertukar kabar atau mengirim pesan “sedang apa?” Indah…rasanya indah…tahu kamu tidak sebahagia itu tanpa aku. Rasanya ingin tersenyum, tapi yang keluar justru air mata lainnya. Ada yang aku tahu hari itu, bahwa kamu juga tidak baik-baik saja setelah kamu memutuskan untuk berpisah. Kamu berjuang dengan keras, sama……seperti yang aku lakukan.

Bisa kita kembali seperti dulu? Tanyamu setelah sebuah jeda panjang yang hanya berisi tangisan. Detak jantungku mungkin berhenti sepersekian detik saat itu. Tangis ku semakin pecah. Sudah tidak bisa dibendung lagi. Kemudian kamu lanjut bercerita banyak hal tentang dirimu dan rasa kehilanganmu. Apa ada yang bisa dijadikan jaminan kelak? Tanyaku.

Kamu berjanji tentang banyak hal. Ingat betul rasanya, seketika aku kehilangan rasa percaya terhadap mu. Seketika itu juga. Tidak, aku tidak bilang kau berkata bohong atau membual hal yang tidak mungkin terjadi. Tidak. Hanya saja memang tidak ada yang bisa menjamin apa-apa. Bahagia? Mungkin. Selamanya? Bisa jadi. Sama seperti yang lalu, sebuah ketidak pastian. Berujung ditinggalkan. Tidak, aku tidak mau lagi.

Kita berdiskusi panjang sore itu. Mengungkapkan keluh kesah. Menumpahkan semua perasaan. Sore itu kita saling belajar, bagaimana rasanya saling melepaskan dan menegaskan. Aku belajar banyak sore itu. Belajar tentang rasa yang benar lebih baik untuk tidak saling memiliki. Rasa yang baiknya dibiarkan begitu saja. Rasa yang tidak mampu diperjuangkan sebagaimana pun juga. Rasa yang tidak mampu mengalahkan ego kedua belah pihak. Rasa yang kita sama-sama tahu akan salah kalau terus dilanjutkan. Rasa yang sudah kita jaga puluhan purnama ini, akhirnya kandas juga.

Air mata banyak menyita waktu ku untuk bercerita sore itu. Ada banyak sekali yang ingin aku ceritakan, tapi belum tersampaikan. Kamu tahu, sekarang aku selalu mengurutkan uang di dompet ku dengan rapi. Ingat betul rasanya di teriaki, yang rapi dong, aku nggak suka di dompet aku nggak rapi susunan uangnya. Kemudian tetap ku masukan asal-asalan kembalian dari toko itu.

Kamu tahu, aku bercerita cukup banyak hal dengan Bunda tentang kamu, tentang kita. Air mata ku masih mengalir deras saat itu. Pesannya cuma satu, kalau memang sudah diakhiri, jangan marah kalau dia bersama orang lain. Aku tertawa, garing, dilanjut dengan tetesan air mata. Sedih, sedih rasanya.

Hei, aku tidak pernah secengeng ini sebelumnya. Bahkan biasanya cenderung tidak peduli. Kamu anak yang baik, kata Bunda. Cuma kita beda dan tidak ada yang akan berjuang untuk menghapus perbedaan. Jadi, yasudah ya. Mari melanjutkan kehidupan kita masing-masing.

Mungkin aku menemukan orang lain sekarang.
Mungkin juga kamu akan menemukan orang lain yang tepat di lain waktu.
Aku pergi dulu, sampai bertemu di lain waktu dengan cerita yang baru.

Sunday, April 3, 2016

Jawaban.

Lucu rasanya berkata,
"Aku harus pertama bertemu dengannya,
lalu aku akan memberikan jawabannya."

Hanya satu bulan, tambahku.

Hal ini hanya saja cukup mengerikan bagiku.

Apa yang akan terjadi setelah aku bertemu dengannya?
Tambah yakin kah atau semakin meragu kah aku nantinya.
Aku bahkan tak tahu apa yang sedang aku nantikan.
Bertemu dengannya kah atau memberi jawaban kepadamu.

Semua terasa janggal.
Rasanya mengerikan.

Kadang rasanya berlebihan.
Tapi apa yang dirasa siapa yang tahu.

Hidup diantara pilihan yang tak pasti.
Mengerikan.

Tapi, keputusan yang dibuat pun harus dibuat.
Pergi kah aku ke arahmu?
Atau hanya berhenti dalam diam?

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Tepat kah?


Apa kabar kamu di sana?
Iya, kamu yang pernah selalu tidak lupa memberi kabar.
Iya, kamu yang panik bertanya ketika belum ada pesan yang terbalas.
Iya, kamu yang rela berhenti melangkah ketika aku memohon jangan.
Iya, kamu yang pernah begitu memprioritaskan aku di atas segalanya.

Hari ini aku baik-baik saja.
Semakin membaik. Bukan kah memang seharusnya begitu? Kata orang move on itu sulit. Ya tentu saja sulit, belum ada pengganti mu. Tentu saja berat, belum ada yang lebih baik dari kamu.

Sudah lama rasanya tidak mengalami patah hati yang berlarut-larut. Mungkin kamu begitu dalam meninggalkan bekas luka di cerita kita. Oh, mungkin bukan karena kamu, keadaan yang membuat begitu. Aku tahu kamu tidak sungguh-sungguh berkata tidak ingin bersamaku lagi. Aku tahu kamu bisa jadi yang tersedih ketika menutup pembicaraan kita di telepon waktu itu.

Sudah lebih dari 3 bulan, tapi masih saja aku meneteskan air mata ketika teringat kamu. Mungkin nanti ketika kamu membaca ini aku sudah lebih baik, jauh lebih baik. Atau mungkin ketika kamu membaca ini, hati mu sudah untuk gadis dambaan keluargamu. Siapa yang tahu.

Aku ingin berjalan maju terus dan tak pernah melihat ke belakang, ke bagian kita yang terlalu bahagia. Aku ingin begitu. Ada seseorang yang mungkin lebih baik dari kamu, menunggu aku di depan sana, ada. Tapi bagaimana aku benar-benar tahu dia orang yang tepat? Kalau waktu itu bersama kamu pun aku pernah merasa setepat itu.

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Mahasapta.

Mahasapta, a little office family of mine.

"If you think you can't stay for yourself, at least try to find a reason for staying a little longer.
And when it's your time to really give up, then remember why at some moments you still can stay."
-Somewhere, Mars.-

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Bali.

Klapa New Kuta Beach, Uluwatu.
This place could be one of your choices for kind of office event, wedding,
party, or even only for lunch/dinner. The view is awesome!

Hard Rock Cafe Bali.
For those who love rock music wouldn't miss to visit here.
For me, rock is fine, too much rock hmm......will re-think. LOL.

Water sport @ Pandawa Beach.
We paid 350K IDR/ person for this parasailing.
Well, why not. Enjoy the view from up!

Chat Cafe.
Our 24 hours life saver from this hungry people.

Motel Mexicola.
Nice design, feels like Mexican.
Hola!

La Laguna, Seminyak.
Just don't miss the sunset from here ya.
Too awesome to be true!

3 days stayed here will remind me to go back again to the same place.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Dieng, Wonosobo.

Bukit Ratapan Angin, 6th Feb 2016
My 3rd time for being here and the beauty never fail me.

Click for the legend.

Bukit Sikunir, 7th Feb 2016.
A story behind the hiking was unforgettable yet crazy much.

"I just can't imagine how my college life would be without this girls.
Thank you for time, laugh, cry, and crazy things.
I love you to the moon, 9Nero!"

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Be Brave, Be Free!


I am within myself imagining how if I were sitting here down with you for waiting the sunrise after hiked 30 minutes up in the very dark morning. It could be awesome!

But then, I am also realizing, if so, I would never feel how it is for being hurt again after too many happy things that I ever had, if so, I could forget how it is for being grateful to make somebody happy because of me, if so, I might forget how it is for becoming the strong me.

Might be so.

So at the day, I saw the sun rised in the middle of the rain, I promised to myself for not forgetting the things I have to pass for becoming a very better me.

Well, I know, this might be looked like a declaration. But, no it is not. This is just another of my thoughts, how I see the world and how I face it.

Be brave, people! Be free.

My notes, February 7th 2016.

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Jepara.

I never thought Jepara prefecture could be this awesome. The view, beach, cafe, hotel, and people there all are nice. Let me guess, maybe this depends on the people you go with ya lol. This was my first time to visit Jepara. Just a random plan for 'where will we go next'? Then Jepara is one of choices. It took 2 hours from Semarang by travel car for 50K IDR one way. Suggestion: do not visit there when it's weekend or holiday (if possible), because the beach will be full with people. Well, there are no beach games or even coconut, which bad for me because I can do nothing. But, when we walked along the beach side, we found many nice resto. We got chance to visit 2 resto there, Ocean View Resto with nice view direct to swimming pool and the beach and also Jepara Beach Resto with Germany touch for food and design. For price itself, quite almost same with Jakarta, I guess because the owner itself is not indonesian, but don't worry it's European portion. Having dinner there has been getting me back to my one of Europe's resto I ever visited in 2012. One night was enough for me. See you again, Jepara! If I got chance to go, I will repeat all of this trips for sure.

Ocean View Resto

Jepara Beach Resto

Kartini Beach View

Monday, January 11, 2016

Semarang - Solo - Jogja.

Hi, like what I promise before, I would like to share some of our short trips in 2015. I know, this kinda late, but never mind. Enjoy!

So, the first short trip that I want to share is my 5 days in 3 different cities in Java. My first stop was Semarang, since our main purpose was to find new boarding house for Ba who will continue his master and doctoral study there that time. Let me introduce you my Ba, well ya, he is the one that you might know by reading my blog recently. He got country scholarship for 4 years to finish his master and doctoral program straight forward. He is the one who has so many ego for fighting his future in education side. He is my one and only stupid lovely buddy who sometimes do stupidity without thinking too much. He was my love. Yes, was. Well, sorry, this time post does not make for him anyway. So continue, we decided to take a night train from Senen station to Semarang Poncol. We arrived around 6 a.m. and we visited our friend's boarding house and also called my cousin who live in Semarang to come. Lucky we are for having friends and family there. After a day, we finally found the click one of the boarding house. First place that I do really visit that time was Sam Poo Kong temple. It is the famous temple in Semarang. I ever visited that place in 2013 with my other fellas.

Sam Poo Kong (Chinese三保洞pinyinSānbǎo Dòng), also known as Gedung Batu Temple, is the oldest Chinese temple inSemarangCentral Java, Indonesia. Originally established by the Chinese Muslim explorer Zheng He (also known as Sanbao), it is now shared by Indonesians of multiple religious denominations, including Muslims and Buddhists, and ethnicities, including Chineseand Javanese.[1][2]
-Wikipedia 

Can't you let yourself holding my hand longer?

Our afternoon great picture.
This picture was taken in our 1st anniversary.

The next destination was Leker Paimo. Best Leker for me hihi. I insisted my cousin, friend, and him (of course) to visit this place. The place was not that great, it's only a cart beside a small canal behind a high school. But, the variant of Leker itself that made me always want to come back to Semarang. Bad thing is, I don't have any picture of this Leker :( but you can check it in Google or Tripadvisor, they have picture and location for it. To end this day, we decided to meet our friends for dinner. New place, old friends, new great time could be always searched by a traveler, right?

@ House of Moo, Tembalang.
Nice place to catch up and full this hungry mummies.

The next day, we took morning train to Solo, called Kalijaga train from Semarang to Solo for only 10K IDR. My destination is only one in Solo 'Taman Sriwedari', while his destination was anywhere where I want. After 1 hour, we arrived in Solo, I remember that time, I told him that the place was not that far, so we can just walk from station to the park. We used Waze to show us the way (thanks Waze). After more than 2 km, I guess, I felt like super tired, hungry, and have no idea where we are, or in other word, we lost. I can remember his face, I knew he was the only one who more tired while I was the one who asked and yelled him to do this and that and listen to me. At the end, what happened is he was the one who found the right way to Taman Sriwedari. It's 12 p.m. and the park was still closed. I was so sad that time. Let's try next time! I said (now I know there will be no more next time).

His happy face when finally we got our lunch.
Sorry for making you that tired to walk that time.

Yeay, Spicy fried rice, Ceker soup, spicy Belut, and something Asem beverage.

1..2..3..click. Ih Ba, kok tetep jelek sih?
Picture after 12345x poses.

I don't know why, I do really want to visit Taman Sriwedari. This could be because Maliq & D'Essentials song 'Setapak Sriwedari' lol. This was also my second time to visit Solo. The first time was in 2011, my first time to go far from home with friends (well, for organization matters). Taman Sriwedari checked. Next stop was around alun-alun and came late for visiting the Keraton, since it closed at 2 p.m. I was so disappointed that time and showed my bad face to him. I remember how he laugh out loud while teasing and asked me to smile. Next time we will come back here ya! He said. Well. No. More. Next. Time.

At the same day, we took our afternoon train to Jogja. This was my I don't know, 6 or 7 times to Jogja and well ya never getting bored. Our main purpose is to visit one of our friends, Pika. So happy, after quite long time did not see her, finally I can meet her and listen all the stories and what she has been through this time in Yogyakarta. We visited De Mata Trick Eye 3D Museum to take a lot of pictures of course.

Let's fly by this air balloon!

How sweet we are! Sorry Pika hihi.

We also visited House of Raminten, a must visit resto in Jogja. The next day we decided to rent a motorcycle and visited The Floating Restaurant in Klaten. It took almost two hour to reach the place, while our motorcycle wheel was leaked. I don't know because there were too many rocks at the street, our motorcycle which too small, or our size that too much if calculated, LOL. 

One of floating resto in Klaten.

Thank you Semarang, Solo, Yogyakarta for another great memories that I could have in my life. See you again someday!

Can't you see how happy I am that time? :)))
@ in front of Ambarukmo Plaza with Wedang Ronde.
August, 2015.


Thursday, January 7, 2016

30 Days of Accepting (10)

Day 28: I'm fine.

Day 29: I'm fine. Really. Trust me. I just cried a little when I remember that I forgot yesterday was our 17th fourth. I also had a bad dream.

Day 30: I'm fine. Can't you just believe me? I just cried for 10 minutes in toilet because you changed your line pict. Stupid. I asked my office mate to go somewhere. End up with visited place around shop where I bought your last birthday present. Insane.

A very last day. Congratulations, you are free to go now. Sorry, for holding you too long.

Are you happy now? :)

Sunday, January 3, 2016

30 Days of Accepting (9)

Day 24: Meet with someone we love is kinda awesome moment and something that we always wait for, like I am still waiting you to be ready to meet me. I don't know why, it feels like you left me behind, just like it. Everything was just too kind to be blamed. Nothing can be blamed. You and your decision? That's your choice or yours and your family who asked you to. Me and my acceptance? That's my way to adapt in this kinda 'challenging' situation. It feels like I left behind here, but at the moment I want to move on, I just always remember you, will I hurt you by this? Or should I go so you can be relieved? I feel like stuck at the same place, since I believe there's something un-finished thing that better we finish it directly. I don't know what you feel there. At least, I just want this finish as soon as possible, so I can walk away far far far as I want and as I should be, so do you.

Day 25: Blood sisters with same background stories could help. A little. Cause we bumped into same love problem at the same time. A star, avolution, chips, chocolate might help, but not helping. I cried like kid last night. I listened to my cousin love story and about her ex who keep chasing her like crazy. I remember my self cry all night long and chat you only to ask you to stay then you say bye-bye like hell. I hate you so much last night. I just imagine how you feel when I did that to you as same as how my cousin feel and act right now. As I am, the one who sad, the one and only. I know, it might be different, I know you're sad, the saddest person maybe. The more I think, the more I realize, I can't and I won't give what you wish for. So, I stop crying. Because at the end, if you keep wishing it and letting me to think like this, then I am sure I will walk away, far far far away from you. Happy New Year, wish all the good things for you!

Day 26: I still spent my day with my cousins. What a very right distraction. I am looking for you on socmed, but still not much that I can find. I dare my self to change our picture on Line. Well, I know no one care anyway, maybe you too don't care. My cousin asked me, why I still use ring from you and teasing me "He won't use it lho, why you still use it!" I don't even know, what are you doing there and how can I know you still keep me in your mind. Maybe even no. I fight with mom last night. I miss you. I need someone to tell, but no one as like you.

Day 27: Last day of holiday. I will spend today by.......I don't know. I need tomorrow comes faster, so everything will be fine.

3 days more and I will be fine.