30 Days of Accepting (9)

Day 24: Meet with someone we love is kinda awesome moment and something that we always wait for, like I am still waiting you to be ready to meet me. I don't know why, it feels like you left me behind, just like it. Everything was just too kind to be blamed. Nothing can be blamed. You and your decision? That's your choice or yours and your family who asked you to. Me and my acceptance? That's my way to adapt in this kinda 'challenging' situation. It feels like I left behind here, but at the moment I want to move on, I just always remember you, will I hurt you by this? Or should I go so you can be relieved? I feel like stuck at the same place, since I believe there's something un-finished thing that better we finish it directly. I don't know what you feel there. At least, I just want this finish as soon as possible, so I can walk away far far far as I want and as I should be, so do you.

Day 25: Blood sisters with same background stories could help. A little. Cause we bumped into same love problem at the same time. A star, avolution, chips, chocolate might help, but not helping. I cried like kid last night. I listened to my cousin love story and about her ex who keep chasing her like crazy. I remember my self cry all night long and chat you only to ask you to stay then you say bye-bye like hell. I hate you so much last night. I just imagine how you feel when I did that to you as same as how my cousin feel and act right now. As I am, the one who sad, the one and only. I know, it might be different, I know you're sad, the saddest person maybe. The more I think, the more I realize, I can't and I won't give what you wish for. So, I stop crying. Because at the end, if you keep wishing it and letting me to think like this, then I am sure I will walk away, far far far away from you. Happy New Year, wish all the good things for you!

Day 26: I still spent my day with my cousins. What a very right distraction. I am looking for you on socmed, but still not much that I can find. I dare my self to change our picture on Line. Well, I know no one care anyway, maybe you too don't care. My cousin asked me, why I still use ring from you and teasing me "He won't use it lho, why you still use it!" I don't even know, what are you doing there and how can I know you still keep me in your mind. Maybe even no. I fight with mom last night. I miss you. I need someone to tell, but no one as like you.

Day 27: Last day of holiday. I will spend today by.......I don't know. I need tomorrow comes faster, so everything will be fine.

3 days more and I will be fine.

30 Days of Accepting (8)

Day 21: I spent a day to accompany my office mates in Bgr. Not so bad lah, we visited 3 resto in a row, lol. And I texted you, Ba! I texted you after a long day thinking about should I text you or not to remind you that I'm still here for you, don't worry. Still cried when I read your blog post. Be well! :(

Day 22: I spent my time to sleep, as always. Hey, I watched goosebumps, finally. Remember the movie that you watched with your friends and suggested me to watch it. Yeah, I just watched it.

Day 23: Suddenly my sisters asked me to swim, so I said yes, since have nothing to do today. Tomorrow will be the day I wait for, the last day of 2015. Hope everything will be fun. I will go with my high school friends, spend our time together for seafood, chips, martabak, chocolate, ice cream and our updated own stories definitely. Btw, I will have another plan with my cousins the day after, swim, sleepover, and maybe sad stories of us? Not you and me, but my cousins and I, we just have a different bad moment in this close time. Such a perfect time, right? Supporting each other, to move on.

How are you there? What will you do to pass the year? Will you do together with me (if only we are fine)? Thank you for such a wonderful year since I ever passed with someone I loved. I know, I know, it's not only you that I have, but letting you inside of my unexpected year is just still awesome, my favorite man!

Sad.

30 Days of Accepting (7)

Day 17: Traffic to Bdg was so insane. I need around 16 hours from home to here. I know today was your Christmas night and you spent the day by making yourself busy. Keep doing it! Because I know you will say the same if you were me. I cried again last night in taxi at the way home with traffic when I told a story of you to one of my friend. It's not like I told everyone, l just want to test my self, do I strong enough, I do, at the beginning of story, then just can't hold it for the rest, so I decided to stop. Funny.

Day 18: Even Bdg traffic was also insane. I need 5 hours to go and 6 hours to back again. Too tired. Yey! Your day. Have a great day with your activity there! I'm getting better, I know you too. I have so many stories to share, but have no one to share with, I mean a favourite one to share with. Stupid. Remember usually I share my bored face or silly expression photos directly to you, right? Not the social media. But, have no one. Social media could help.

Day 19: Sometimes when I do really want to remember happy things, I try to remember what makes me lots of laugh, and it comes to the memories when I'm with you. Your stupidity, your anger when hungry, your expression when I play your belly and say emesh, even your voice when we go on riding and I touch your big dada, lol. I miss you more.

Day 20: I will be at home a long day. Making my self busy by watching movie.

10 more days.

30 Days of Accepting (6)

Day 13: My family have planned to go to Bdg this week, sorry for being such a php. Well, I don't even know whether you want me there or not, lol. Will you do a favour for me? Hmm, at least for your goodness, sleep well at your boarding house, don't work to hard, and eat well, kay? Buy a riding rain coat, ok? I know both of us feel this really hard, at least just don't make any of us worry to each other. You're the one who said that, right? I miss you, you know it, and I know you feel the same. I told my cousin about our story, she suggested me to.....set up a meet up. Well, not that usual kind of meet up, but the meet up to finish what un-finished. Because, what happened to us was not that fair, we were not kids anymore. We should, we need, we have to talk directly! And for what will happen after it then it what's supposedly happen. I said, I will wait you on January after your exam. I will give my try to ask you to meet, if you don't want to. Once. If you still can't, just let's see how will it be, maybe in 3 or 5 years later. Let's still talk about it, because what undone have to be done. That's the point of relationship, even ending the commitment have to be committed. You're the one who said, be faster, be better, remember?

Day 14: 2 weeks already. 8pm, I got back home early and since no one home, I cleaned all things there, and I just passed an hour. What the hell can I do then. I got terrible flu that day. So, I decided to watch K-Drama and fell asleep.

Day 15: I attended a brand event yey! Got another heavy flu again and again. I forgot, my regular dinner time.

Day 16: Today is the last work day in 2015. I am waiting a taxi now and keeping my unwell body to be fine, hopefully. I will go to Bdg tomorrow for 3 days. Wish you have a great day on airing in the Christmas then. Have nothing to say. Haven't have a brave to congratulate you directly. I edited a picture of us to post on Christmas day, well will be another un-posted post. I miss you.

30 Days of Accepting (5)

Day 10: Everything's fine on that day. Went back to home and washed clothes again till 10pm, then slept. My team asked my ig account and found our picture there, that was just so easy to answer yes, he is my bf, then hmm well, he used to be mine, but than we just broke up, and bla bla bla. I still comfort to call you mine. Sorry.

Day 11: Today is fine. Still got new things to learn from my team. I have a short conversation with my ex-bf who will really you jealous at, if you know when I was with you. He asked me about my line pict and simply commented me by "Masih aja main-main sama yang beda kiblat." Yes, he knew me well. Tomorrow, I will have a family gathering, yeay another mind distraction. I am getting better and better now. Fight for a freedom of this broken, yes?

Day 12: Hi, I'm in the middle of family gathering now. My cousin asked me to go to Smrg next week. Still considering it, since I don't have any idea how you will act if I were there. So, I were just pending the ticket. I wrote some sentence in your path comment and line chat, well an un-sent sentence. Still don't know how you will act if I chatted you. Don't worry, as usual, this will work, I won't contact you, as you wish. I just don't want to break down your kinda shield by my presence. Just it. If you let me go there and meet you. Let me know then. I have to buy the ticket, it almost sold out. For a short meet up? Just short, don't worry.

30 Days of Accepting (4)

Day 7: Hi, still keeping my self busy for doing this or that. Don't have internet credit or money, as usual almost the end of month lol. I even washed anything that possibly to wash. I asked my sister to play any movie so I can sleep without thinking any other things. While shadowing my team by helping them this and that, hopefully I can also shadowing away our usual communication activities. Remember, I am just being like this since you're the one that don't want me to contact you. I still remember. Fight for ourselves, ya?

"Salut sih, dia berani ngelakuin ini, menurut gue dia baik banget, dia nggak mau sia-siain waktu lo!" 

Don't worry, many people support your decision, except me, till now.

Day 8: I helped my team to input some data today, it took like almost half day and ended up by zumba. Yey! I miss the way I always excited to tell you about my zumba time and all the funny things, don't you? I'm in the bus now, not many people inside, maybe already too late or too many buses today? Don't know. I wish you were there talk to me through phone. Haha. Be well!

Day 9: Morning! I have a bad dream last night, then it became worst since when I woke up that's actually what happened, I lost you. Never mind, it's already day 9, you and me supposed to be getting stronger, ya? What doesn't kill you make you stronger, so I will still stand by you, like I'm gonna loose you. 3 songs in 1 sentence, lol. My team said, first thing to buy before work with them is a headphone, since my team mostly are girls, we will keep talking, laughing, and gossiping when we are boring. So, that can be my fault if I can't concentrate when I work if I don't have any headphone with high volume especially when they are boring. Lol. What a team! My high school friends asked me to have NYE together, hopefully can be fun! Since I ever dreamed it with you, my bad haha. Wish you happy there, I know you are!

21 days more and I will let you go. I will.

30 Days of Accepting (3)

Day 6: Still day 6 anyway, you stupid can't count it right! I always check all of the social media regularly, I mean yours. Don't worry, I got all of your messages on Twitter, blog, even whatsapp's status. I don't do any update except this blog anyway, cause for me, nothing's change. Still left me and you there and everywhere. Still until now. Let's fight for more strength and our own faith, ya? Remember the snowman bell that I gave to you for last Christmas? I saw one on the TV today and found the picture of us with it on the day before you left to your hometown.

"What do u want for this Christmas?"

I know, you want me, ya? Visit me here if u have finished your exam then. Will u? If only you remember what's on your last chat. Tomorrow, I will be officially working in the team. Can't wait to meet you if you're ready yet, as a favorite friend? :)))

Hurt.